![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So it seems the theme this month is death: the girlfriend's lost aunt, the news with Phylip Seymour Hoffman and (as I type this) Harold Remis, even my LJ friends. It feels like 2014 is purging life, one personal string at a time.
I don't entirely fear death. I have enough grasp of it to not live wantonly, but enough to accept that my fate is predestined to expire. It took me years to realize that the panic attacks that came from this originated not from a fear of dying, but of dying alone. I suppose if I should be so lucky as those that have lost, I know that there would be people to remember me, whether it was as a somewhat decent guy, a mopey regular, or just some entitled know-it-all asshole who never knew when to shut up.
I never did discuss the events about The Girlfriend. The last three day weekend I spent with her on a trip to Boston from Burlington. The premise was simple: road trip. We drive down, we stop wherever the hell we like, we only go down based on certain guide points and if we see anything that looks remotely interesting, we stop there to looky-loo.
The news of her aunt's death came at 3am. She cried in the hotel bathroom in the hopes it wouldn't wake me up, but I could still hear it. Harboring my own disgruntled sensation of little sleep and plans gone afoul, I drove back and tried to do what I could for her before sending her off to the airport and trying again. See, I needed to go to Boston for an actual reason: I still had a lot of crap there back when I worked at the house. After dropping her off at 3pm, I took to the roads, acclimating to the atmosphere of highway driving after such a long hiatus away from it. The lack of stop and go and speed, and cruise controlled luxury made it easier, easy enough to miss a toll lane and hit and EZ Pass. Son of a bitch.
I made it into Medford at 7pm, exhausted. The ceremonial sendoff was short. I brought a package of organic granola because anything else I could find along the way wasn't healthy enough, and it was accepted with just as little fanfare. I took a trip to Burlington, MA not because it shares the name of VT's largest chunk of civilization, but because it was close to the H-Mart. I wanted to get her dumplings so she'd have something to look forward to on returning, and I am never sure if I have the time to make them at home. In retrospect, maybe I would if I bought skins, but I have gotten so used to making the skins by hand that it felt silly.
Anyway, I picked up a hotel room and McDonald's, where I made the cashier laugh when I realized my nerves were so shot that I could not even handle money easily. I slept comfortably but with concerns about getting my car robbed, and woke up with a migraine, the sort that you can feel even as you dream. One stomach clenching fight with Excedrin later, I picked up dumplings, got a haircut, and visited my friends in Hull, whose little hairless infant had grown hair and was already used to scooting all over the place on those platforms that would look at home in "The Flintstones." The drive back home was less frustrating on me.
I forgot what it was like to live independently and there's not much to say about it at the moment just because I feel bad about using her car too much, so I can not really trek to parks at the moment. I did visit Central Burlington, however, and saw people walking on the lake. I was tempted to consider, but decided it was not a time for adventure. I did get a good workout out of it though, which disturbs me since it means I am *that* out of shape.
Yesterday was a last minute trip for groceries. I drove to "O Bread," this bakery built in a repurposed barn that looks like it would be used in a future set of "Downton Abbey" and now houses a school and a bakery academy. The bread, by the way, is fantastic and worth the drive over- I was told they mail order this stuff, so it might explain why it's so good if people are willing to mail order for it.
The trip home was some cleaning(really need to vacuum), making chowder, and replenishing salsa, which is cheap and, if done right, can outlast regular salsa pretty easily.
More importantly, I downloaded CeltX for the first time in awhile. I'm going to see about typing up some script ideas I have, maybe work on some incomplete drafts. We'll see how it goes, just need to push myself during my off time when I'm not working or cooking or helping out around the house.
The Girlfriend will be back in 9 hours, and I will look forward to it! Just hope I can nap before she gets back...
I don't entirely fear death. I have enough grasp of it to not live wantonly, but enough to accept that my fate is predestined to expire. It took me years to realize that the panic attacks that came from this originated not from a fear of dying, but of dying alone. I suppose if I should be so lucky as those that have lost, I know that there would be people to remember me, whether it was as a somewhat decent guy, a mopey regular, or just some entitled know-it-all asshole who never knew when to shut up.
I never did discuss the events about The Girlfriend. The last three day weekend I spent with her on a trip to Boston from Burlington. The premise was simple: road trip. We drive down, we stop wherever the hell we like, we only go down based on certain guide points and if we see anything that looks remotely interesting, we stop there to looky-loo.
The news of her aunt's death came at 3am. She cried in the hotel bathroom in the hopes it wouldn't wake me up, but I could still hear it. Harboring my own disgruntled sensation of little sleep and plans gone afoul, I drove back and tried to do what I could for her before sending her off to the airport and trying again. See, I needed to go to Boston for an actual reason: I still had a lot of crap there back when I worked at the house. After dropping her off at 3pm, I took to the roads, acclimating to the atmosphere of highway driving after such a long hiatus away from it. The lack of stop and go and speed, and cruise controlled luxury made it easier, easy enough to miss a toll lane and hit and EZ Pass. Son of a bitch.
I made it into Medford at 7pm, exhausted. The ceremonial sendoff was short. I brought a package of organic granola because anything else I could find along the way wasn't healthy enough, and it was accepted with just as little fanfare. I took a trip to Burlington, MA not because it shares the name of VT's largest chunk of civilization, but because it was close to the H-Mart. I wanted to get her dumplings so she'd have something to look forward to on returning, and I am never sure if I have the time to make them at home. In retrospect, maybe I would if I bought skins, but I have gotten so used to making the skins by hand that it felt silly.
Anyway, I picked up a hotel room and McDonald's, where I made the cashier laugh when I realized my nerves were so shot that I could not even handle money easily. I slept comfortably but with concerns about getting my car robbed, and woke up with a migraine, the sort that you can feel even as you dream. One stomach clenching fight with Excedrin later, I picked up dumplings, got a haircut, and visited my friends in Hull, whose little hairless infant had grown hair and was already used to scooting all over the place on those platforms that would look at home in "The Flintstones." The drive back home was less frustrating on me.
I forgot what it was like to live independently and there's not much to say about it at the moment just because I feel bad about using her car too much, so I can not really trek to parks at the moment. I did visit Central Burlington, however, and saw people walking on the lake. I was tempted to consider, but decided it was not a time for adventure. I did get a good workout out of it though, which disturbs me since it means I am *that* out of shape.
Yesterday was a last minute trip for groceries. I drove to "O Bread," this bakery built in a repurposed barn that looks like it would be used in a future set of "Downton Abbey" and now houses a school and a bakery academy. The bread, by the way, is fantastic and worth the drive over- I was told they mail order this stuff, so it might explain why it's so good if people are willing to mail order for it.
The trip home was some cleaning(really need to vacuum), making chowder, and replenishing salsa, which is cheap and, if done right, can outlast regular salsa pretty easily.
More importantly, I downloaded CeltX for the first time in awhile. I'm going to see about typing up some script ideas I have, maybe work on some incomplete drafts. We'll see how it goes, just need to push myself during my off time when I'm not working or cooking or helping out around the house.
The Girlfriend will be back in 9 hours, and I will look forward to it! Just hope I can nap before she gets back...
